My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize