I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
