All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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