her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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