I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
farters have to be the big spoon...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
