Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
