You just made me feel so damn special
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize