I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
