wanna go halves on a baby?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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