I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
