I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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