I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
