i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I deserve this hangover.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
