i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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