In the future we'll all be gay
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
