dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
