this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize