did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
