I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
