worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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