New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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