Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
