in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
