i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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