I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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