Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
