Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
