i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
