Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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