Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
