sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
