My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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