By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize