Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
