I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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