so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
