Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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