I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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