Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
