Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
