Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
