Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
