I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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