that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
