dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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