i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
