I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was like getting head from an anaconda
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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