I CAN MOONWALK!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
