did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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