U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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