I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
