Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize