So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
