Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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