Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
