We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
