he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
