can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
