first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
