I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize