Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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