You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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