she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I need water and some morals
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
