You just made me feel so damn special
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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