Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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