3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
