my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
