oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize