we made out on top of his cat.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
