ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
