I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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