I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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