I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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