My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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