I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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