Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he thought i was a dude.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
