im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
