I will die if light touches me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
